


at least I got you in my head

by acalmingcupoftea



Category: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 16:11:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acalmingcupoftea/pseuds/acalmingcupoftea
Summary: A junior year holiday miracle.Set after the movie.





	at least I got you in my head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alasse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alasse/gifts).



> Thanks so much to the ever wonderful specialrhino for the fastest beta of all time.
> 
> I combined the movie & book universes a bit but if you haven't read the books it's fine.
> 
> Title from Hayley Kiyoko's Sleepover.

When the invite said “Holiday Party,” Lara Jean envisioned an elegant affair with white fairy lights strung up around the host’s apartment, a small selection of holiday cookies, eggnog and classic Christmas music wafting around the partygoers like a hug.

Instead, it was your classic college rager.

People were dressed in ugly sweaters or were covered in tinsel and ornaments. Someone had threaded a menorah with a chain to make it a necklace (unlit, thankfully). The decor and music was that of any usual rager and any hopes of there being eggnog or even mulled wine were dashed when Lara Jean made it to the drinks table.

_This is what I get for trusting Elizabeth’s party recommendations,_ Lara Jean thought as she picked through the meager food offerings. At least this party had more than just a beer selection as someone had thought to bring individually packaged wine. Lara Jean couldn’t wait to be out in the world where parties like this weren’t all that was going on. Only another year and half till that happened.

“Hey...is that you, Lara Jean?” A voice came from behind her.

Lara Jean paused mid-rise from where she had pulled her drink from the cooler. Of course, Greg would be here. Of course he would.

Not wanting to be rude, she turned to him and said, “Oh, hi there, Greg. How are you?”

Greg Anderson meant well but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a bit of a skeeze. He always said hi to Lara Jean when he saw her on campus. He came by during every one of her shifts at the library. Greg never did anything untoward or menacing - he didn’t follow her home or anything like that - he was just always around. And he made her uncomfortable. 

“Good, good!” he said. “Just checking out the scene as it were, you know?”

Lara Jean nodded and took a big sip from her drink as he continued.

“I was also thinking - maybe tonight is that perfect night for that date we keep talking about.”

Lara Jean almost spit back into her drink. Not this again. Greg had asked her out almost every time he saw her. At first it was flattering but not something she really wanted, especially when the first few times had been so close to her break up with Peter. Later, when she had realized he wasn’t going to stop, Lara Jean had explained she just wasn’t interested in him in that way and didn’t want to date him. But he still persisted, time after time.

“I don’t think so, Greg - we’ve talked about this before, I’m just not interested in you in that way.” Lara Jean said as she started to scan the party for an exit strategy. As she did her second sweep looking for someone, anyone, she could call out to to save her from this situation, her eyes locked with the one person she hadn’t been expecting.

Peter Kavinsky.

Even though they had broken up almost a year ago now, Peter still looked hot - his brown hair was swept back and his grin could light up a room. Lacrosse kept him in shape and strong, though it also kept him very busy. And on top of the academic load that was UNC (which she was still so proud of him for transferring into the middle of their sophomore year), he never had time for her.

Though their break up wasn’t all on him and lacrosse - Lara Jean had just as intensive of a class load that year and was also the president of the korean drama and baking clubs on campus. When they realized they had gone an entire three weeks without seeing each other in person, they thought it might be time to call it off. It had just become too hard.

Of course, they still saw each other around campus - they were cordial to each other, he’d still come by and say hi to Kitty during holiday breaks, but of course it wasn’t the same. And if she was being honest with herself, she missed him. She still did after all this time and it seemed he did too. Or at least, for someone who could probably date most anyone on campus, he didn’t seem to (NOT that she had been paying attention to that or anything).

Greg drew her back to the moment at hand by grabbing her forearm rather firmly and coming in too close. “I think if you just give me a chance, you’d really see we could be something great together.”

A familiar weight snaked around her waist as the scent of fresh mint and herbs greeted her like an old friend. Lara Jean instinctively leaned into the lean, muscular frame next to her. She could feel Greg releasing her arm and stepping away from them.

“Covey, I’ve been looking all over for you at this party! I guess that’s what I get for being late.” Peter, her knight in shining armor, said as he leaned down for a kiss. He was giving her the choice to really sell it to Greg by kissing him but he could easily go for her cheek if that was what she wanted.

Lara Jean couldn’t resist and gently placed her lips against Peter’s. Even though it was for a just a moment, Lara Jean felt as though a part of her was singing inside. She had missed this - the taste of him, the way her lips felt against his. He even had a little stubble on his face from a few days of not shaving. The scratchiness reminded her of cold nights and first times.

Peter broke the kiss and turned towards Greg, hand outstretched. “I’m Peter, Lara Jean’s boyfriend. And you are?”

Greg seemed dumbfounded and could only stare at Peter’s hand - Lara Jean had never explicitly said she did or didn’t have a boyfriend.

“Uh..I’m uh...Greg. And I’m just...going to be going now.” Greg said, not reaching for Peter’s hand and high tailing it out of there faster than Lara Jean thought possible.

Now the the immediate threat had been resolved, Peter pulled away from Lara Jean but stayed close to her, saying, “Now what was that about?”

Lara Jean blushed as she answered, “That was Greg...he’s been trying really hard to get me to date him even after I said no. He kind of cornered me here and….thanks for what you did. It was...it was really kind of you.”

“That...creep,” Peter said, clearly upset by Lara Jean’s description of events. “I should kick his ass to show him not to mess with women who’ve said no.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary to be honest. I think he’s gonna leave me alone now - he seemed pretty intimidated back there,” Lara Jean said.

“How long has this been going on?” Peter asked, suspiciously.

“Oh not too long...maybe eight months or so?” Lara Jean said, hoping that by saying it quickly he wouldn’t really acknowledge the time.

“Wait what? Lara Jean, you should have asked for my help. I’d have been happy to do it,” Peter said, upset that she had dealt with this for so long on her own.

Lara Jean sighed and said, “I know you would have but...he was fine! Until he wasn’t. Regardless, thank you for your help today. You didn’t have to do that.”

Peter’s eyes went soft as he said, “Anything for you Covey, you know that.” He reached up and gently brushed a lock of her hair back that had fallen out of place. Lara Jean had to stop herself from leaning into the embrace. 

“Well, you have to let me repay you somehow,” she said.

Pete considered for a second and then grinned, reaching down for her hand. As he led her through the party he said, “I know just the thing.”

* * * 

As they climbed into Peter’s silver Jeep, Lara Jean was hit with a wave of nostalgia. Maybe it was because they were graduating in next spring or just being back with Peter like this that made Lara Jean remark, “Remember on the first day of our fake relationship and Kitty was so mean to you? Who knew all it took to win my little sister’s heart was to proclaim your love for yogurt drinks.”

Peter grinned. “A love I still have to this day - I drink one after almost every practice.” He started the car, “That feels like a million years ago.”

Lara Jean nodded, melancholy creeping into her mood. She glanced out the window, watching the lit up houses blur by for awhile before she asked, “So where are we going again?”

Peter smirked at her as he answered, “They just opened a new restaurant downtown that I thought might be relevant to our interests.”

“Oh yeah?” Lara Jean asked. “And what interests would those be?”

“It’s a diner. Seemed like a good place to go for a repayment milkshake.” Peter said, a sad smile playing at his lips. He was driving with one hand, his other arm resting on the arm rest. Feeling bold, Lara Jean grabbed his free hand with her own.

“That sounds perfect.”

Peter seemed surprised but didn’t pull his hand away, instead tightening Lara Jean’s loose grip. The drove the final few blocks to the restaurant in silence, holding hands. Lara Jean was regretful when they had to seperate once they pulled up to a diner called The Corvette Diner.

The Corvette Diner reminded her a lot of The Corner Café but it was a bit too trendy to have the cozy feeling of a place that hadn’t changed in ages. The dining space was open but booths and chrome tables were scattered about. There was a jukebox in the back of the restaurant, though it looked like it played MP3s and not records. There was a soda fountain that lined the back wall complete with neon lights lining the bar. The diner was definitely trying to intentionally be throwback instead of just being what it always had been.

There weren’t many people in the place at this time of night, so Peter and Lara Jean slid into a booth lined with sparkly red plastic. They reached for the menus at the end of the table and quickly perused the offerings in silence. The waitress, her name tag reading June, came to take their orders (a chocolate shake and a cherry coke to really drive home the nostalgia) and then they were alone again.

_You’d think after kissing an...ex, things wouldn’t be so awkward._ Lara Jean thought. She felt like she was back in high school, when she first had a crush on someone. The butterflies were having a field day in her stomach and she could feel her hands getting clammy. Peter didn’t look like his usual confident self; he, too, seemed awkward and uncomfortable.

“So uh...this is not what I was expecting,” Peter said, with a little laugh at the end. “I thought rescuing you from that creep would bring us back to old times but...what was that guy’s deal anyway?”

Lara Jean grimaced. “That was Greg. He’s been trying to get me to go out with him for like the better part of a year. At first it was…too soon.” She looked up at him as she said this and saw a flash of pain cross his face. “And then he was just too persistent and everywhere. It was really starting to creep me out. So thanks for what you did back there - I think that’s finally going to put him off.”

When she looked at Peter again, the pain was replaced by anger. She could tell he was not a fan of someone following her around or harassing her to go out with them. Lara Jean didn’t get a chance to dig into that more as June ( _Was that even her real name?_ ) took that moment to return with their drinks.

They each took a big sip before they both said,  
“What if you didn’t need to put him off - “  
“How have you been -”

The both laughed as they talked over each other. Peter gestured for Lara Jean to go first. She repeated her question about his wellbeing.

“I’ve been...good? Lacrosse has been keeping me busy and so have classes - I haven’t really had time for anything else.”

Laura Jean bit her lip. _Does that mean he doesn’t...have a new girlfriend?_.

“I’ve actually been thinking,” Peter started, “about dropping lacrosse next year. I think I could cover the last year of school without the scholarship. I realized that I need to spend time on the important things.” He looked her right in the eyes as he said it.

Lara Jean looked back at him until she couldn’t handle his intensity. She took another sip of the cherry coke to pull herself together. It sounded like Peter was trying to...win her back? Was that really what was happening? Was that something she even wanted?

If Lara Jean really thought about it, if she reached deep into her heart - that is what she wanted. What she wanted ever since they had broken up. It wasn’t because Peter and she weren’t compatible that they broke up, it’s not because they had a big fight or didn’t love each other anymore, it’s because they never saw each other. They hadn’t been making their relationship a priority. And it seems like Peter was trying to tell her that was going to change. That he was going to change, to win her back. She had to know one thing though, before she could really make up her mind.

Peter was clearly anticipating Lara Jean’s answer to that statement. She twirled the straw in her drink and said, “I think...that sounds good. But lacrosse is something you absolutely love, could you really give it up? Wouldn’t you resent the perso—reason that you had to stop?”

Peter considered her and her question. He was thinking it over which she appreciated - she didn’t want him to just jump to an answer, she wanted him to really consider what she was asking and what that meant. He reached across the small table and tilted her chin up so Lara Jean was looking at him.

“I think it depends on the reason. And if you were the reason, Covey, it would be the easiest thing in the world.” Peter said.

Lara Jean could feel herself blushing but Peter wouldn’t let her look away. In fact, he seemed to greatly enjoy her embarrassment at his declaration, an amused smile crossing his lips. His perfectly kissable lips.

“Well, I think that sounds like a good thing. For you. And...and for me. I was also thinking I have too much going on. Bethany is going to be a sophomore next year - I think she would be a great president for the K-Drama club.”

She could see Peter’s eyes light up at that.

“That does sound like a good thing for you, too. And for me. Does this mean what I think it means, Covey?” Peter asked, his voice raising a touch at the end of his statement.

Lara Jean smiled as she said, “If it means getting back together, then yes, yes it does.”

Peter’s smile could light up a dark room. His milkshake had melted into a chocolatey mess and Lara Jean’s soda had gone flat by now. He left some money on the table and grabbed her hand to lead her out of the diner and back to the parking lot.

As they neared his car, Peter pulled her close to him. She inhaled his scent and sighed with contentment - she had missed this. He reached down for her as she reached up and their lips met in the middle. Their kiss started tentative but then their bodies remembered who they were kissing and who they were to each other and the intensity ramped up. Lara Jean smiled against his lips as her tongue flitted at his lips, asking for entrance which was promptly granted.

“Oh, Lara Jean,” Peter moaned against her mouth, never breaking the kiss, “I’ve missed this.” He ran his hand through her hair, which she was glad she had left down for the evening.

When they broke apart for air, Lara Jean said, “I’ve missed you.” She squeezed him tighter and closer to her. She was never going to let him go again.

He felt like home.


End file.
